this ain't livin'

Teasagna

Ok, I’m sure that everyone is sick of politics right now, so, rather than discussing the fact that the election is two weeks away, (two weeks away!), I am going to talk about food. Because food is awesome, and it’s something that I pretty much never get tired of talking about, eating, and reading about.

I’m sure that all of us have made culinary mistakes at some point or another. Sometimes, those mistakes lead to great things, like teasagna, which I will get to in a moment. I thought it might be interesting to hear from you, dear readers, about culinary mistakes you’ve made which have resulted in something awesome.

Before I talk about teasagna, I must, of course, discuss a culinary disaster.

Given that I was a vegetarian and later a vegan for much of my life, I’m not very experienced with choosing and cooking meat. Which is really kind of a pity, because I love meat, but I don’t really want to buy it because I am concerned that I am going to mess it up. However, I set this fear aside a few weeks ago when I decided to make pot roast. I was dreaming of the pot roast at Nit’s, which is delicious and tender, with meat that melts in the mouth and delicious caramelized vegetables and a rich, amazing sauce.

That was my first mistake. Replicating restaurant meat at home is just not something I attempt. But I duly looked up pot roast in The Joy of Cooking, as well as on numerous websites, and I went to the grocery store armed with a list and a mission.

A mission which ultimately turned out awry. What I ended up with was a crappy stew of grey, stringy, flavorless meat, mushy vegetables utterly bleached of flavor and color, and mysterious floating objects which couldn’t be identified. I ended up choking down about half of it, trying to force myself to eat it as a reminder of the importance of not wasting food, but finally I gave up. It was too awful. I vowed not to attempt meaty deliciousness before I had learned more about cooking meat.

With this terrible failure stinging me, last weekend, I decided to make lasagna. Lasagna is a pretty basic food, and I’m a fan, and it’s something I make pretty darn well. So I did make a lasagna, and it was quite delicious, and I duly covered it in tinfoil and stuck it in the fridge.

And then, last Sunday, I was reading in the living room when I heard a strange clattering noise. I peered high and low, but couldn’t figure out what it was. Several hours later, I opened the fridge, and realized that the clattering noise had been the sound of a glass jar filled with iced lapsong soochong exploding. Apparently my fridge was too cold, so the tea froze. Of course, by the time I realized what had happened, the tea had melted, so my fridge was filled with a sea of broken glass and tea.

I duly emptied the fridge out and started cleaning it, discarding obviously spoiled food items. I didn’t think to check the lasagna until the very end, since the tinfoil looked tight. However, when I lifted it, I discovered that tea had somehow wormed its way in, and that the lasagna had actually been stewing in tea for several hours.

I was faced with a dilemma. Had ice pierced the tinfoil, or not? Given that there was a better part of a lasagne there, I was disinclined to throw it away, and I didn’t see any signs of glass, so I ended up draining it as best I could, and moving the pieces into tupperware. (Something I probably should have done to begin with, upon reflection.)

When I heated a piece the next day, I realized that it had an indescribably delicious, slightly smoky flavor. There was a hint of earthiness, and a nice slightly fruity note. I had invented…teasagna. I think I’m going to start cooking lasagna noodles in tea in the future, for a somewhat safer version.

So, what have you invented by accident?

Tags: Food