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The Pineapple Experiment

I love pineapples. I am actually allergic to the enzyme in pineapple, so when I eat pineapple, my tongue/lips crack, but I still think it’s worth it. A little pain shouldn’t deter you from eating delicious delicious pineapple, ever. And pineapples happen to be on sale at Harvest at the moment, so I decided that it’s time to get serious about The Pineapple Experiment.

The Pineapple Experiment started a few weeks ago, when I made some pineapple fried rice (which turned out like shit) for Baxt and I. And I thought, “by God I love pineapple,” so I looked up how to grow pineapples, and I started a pineapple plant. (Details below.) That pineapple is now potted, and doing pretty well, although I will need a few weeks to see if it has really taken:

So far, so good, is all I am saying.

Now, there are two schools of thought on growing pineapples. One says that you should start them in water, which is what I did with the above pineapple. The other says that you should start them in soil, which is what I am going to do with pineapple number two. Although pineapple number one got a bit of a head start, I still think it will be interesting to compare the success of both methods, and to periodically post about it here.

I’m also open to naming suggestions, since all of my plants have names, and so far neither plant has an official title yet. (Just for the record, we have Pete the Snakeplant, Dave the Aloe Vera, Fred the Palmythingie, and Jorge the Lobelia on the porch.)

So, if you want to play along with The Pineapple Experiment at home, here’s what you need to do.

Step One:

Get one of these. This is a required step. Pineapples actually propagate themselves in the wild, and we are going to take shameless advantage of this trait.

Step Two:

Take the top off. That’s right, pineapples are dirty little sluts who like it, uh, with their tops off. I recommend eating the rest of the pineapple, since you aren’t going to be needing it for The Pineapple Experiment, and it tastes good. (If you are also allergic to the enzymes and you for some reason have a problem with having your mouth split open in agonizing pain, cooking the pineapple neutralizes most of them. Try flaming it in rum for dessert!)

Step Three:

Trim the top, and strip off the bottom layer of leaves. You actually want your pineapple even more trimmed/stripped than this, but this picture came out better than the one of it all stripped, so here you go.

Step Four:

Wait. You should let your pineapple top dry out for three to five days. If you don’t, it will rot. Ew.

Step Five:

Start your pineapple.

Here’s where things diverge. If you want to go with pineapple number one, stick your pineapple top in a cup, add just enough water to almost touch the bottom leaves, and then wait until it sprouts roots, a process which can take awhile. You should also change the water and rinse the base now and then if things start to get gross. Be patient. It took almost a month for pineapple one to grow roots. Once the roots appear, stick the pineapple in a pot with some well-drained soil, and dump on some water and fertilizer. If you want to go with pineapple number two, skip to the potting part.

Step Six:

Watch your pineapple grow! Isn’t nature awesome?

Tags: Food