Book 263: For Your Own Good
Holy Mary Mother of God, was this book awesome. I’m so tired of reading/hearing about insipid crap books about “child-rearing” like Reviving Ophelia (gag central), and this book blows them right out of the water. Seriously. Run, do not walk, run to the nearest bookstore and demand a copy, because it is just that good.
There are two parts to this book. In the first, Miller talks about what she calls “poisonous pedagogy,” techniques used to raise children in fear so that they will be unquestioningly obedient. She also explores the lingering effects of poisonous pedagogy, and points out that the parents of many of her readers (the first edition of this book was published in Germany in the 1980s) were raised using these very same techniques. Physical and emotional violence, threats, oppression: this was the nature of childrearing in much of the 20th century, and she argues that this shaped many personalities, and created a vicious cycle.
The second part contains three case studies, of a drug addict named Christiane F., Adolf Hitler, and the mass-murderer Jurgen Bartsch. She looks at how poisonous pedagogy shaped their lives, and how society interacted with them. This book isn’t just about what makes a horrible person, it’s about what doesn’t make a horrible person, and how much culpability society as a whole has.
Miller minces no words in this book, and she is not afraid to point the finger at practices she thinks are inappropriate and even horrifying. Cruelty at any age is wrong, but cruelty to young children in critical stages of development can have tragic consequences.
Demographics:
For Your Own Good, by Alice Miller. Translated from the German by Hildegarde and Hunter Hannum. Published 1990, 284 pages. Psychology.
September 12th, 2008
This is actually an issue in my family of origin. When I was young, my mother would talk about how she did not want to treat her children as badly as her parents and grandparents treated their children. I still experienced my childhood as abusive but know that she did her best. I remember clearly, however, driving home from work when the girls were 8 and 11 and thinking self-righteously that I was not damaging my girls the way I had been damaged. Suddenly, it struck me. No, I was not, I was damaging them in my own way. I have been a more humble parent ever since. And, of course, having the pregnant homeless teen daughter taught me a lot about parenting, too.
Do love Alice Miller.
September 10th, 2008
I am glad that there is at least one book out there about this subject. IMHO and as the mother of two grown ones, how we raise our kids shapes our whole society and world. Every hang up we have starts from our child hood and maybe one day every parent will be aware of what damages and how to nurture another human.
I just put a bid on this book at ebay. A subject that is of so much importance and IMHO why we all have pain and hangups. Unfortunately we still have the Dr Phils around who have no respect for kids. My two are now grown and I did the best I could, treating them as equals while respecting myself and it worked out pretty good. I had to put aside the example from my parents first. I am still working on the damage and I am in my fifties !!