Today, I received a letter from the IRS in an envelope which deceptively said “stimulus check” in big red letters, so I got all excited. As I turned out, it was, in fact, a letter about my stimulus check, which, for those keeping score, is the second piece of correspondence I have received about the check without actually receiving the check itself. Which leads me to deeply question the efficiency of the IRS; sending out all these letters can’t be cheap.

The letter tells me that I should get my check by the 13th, but that if I don’t receive it “within six weeks,” then I might want to, you know, call and talk to someone about it. I think my favourite part of the message was the delightfully postmodern second paragraph, titled “What You Need To Do,” which starts with the line “You do not need to do anything.” I am tempted to take this message from the IRS To heart, applying it to all regions of my life.

This tidal wave of “stimulus check” related correspondence has led me to conclude that I will be filing my taxes somewhat differently next year. First, I’m going to send them a letter in January which states that I intend to file my taxes, and briefly explaining the tax filing process. Then, on 10 April, I will send them a letter which says that I intend to file my taxes by 4/15/09, and if they “do not receive it within six weeks of this notice, please contact [me] at the number shown above.”

Above all, I will be sure to let them know that they do not need to do anything.