Dear Amazon.com,

You know, I haven’t ordered anything from you in quite awhile, because the last time I ordered something, you messed the order up royally. You probably don’t remember because you have millions of customers a year, but I ordered a couple of books for a friend’s birthday, in plenty of time, I might add, and you shipped them at the last minute, so that they arrived on the day of his birthday, which would have been fine except that you didn’t bother to pack them properly. So I ended up with two completely trashed books rattling around in a box and I have to run to Mendocino and get some different books so that I would have something to hand this person. And when I returned the books, you people were snarky about it and didn’t even refund me shipping despite the fact that you fucked up.

So I had basically decided to never order anything from you again, but my friend Petey pointed out that wasn’t really very fair of me. I mean, you do have millions of orders every year, and you’re bound to mess a few up now and then, just statistically.

I finally broke down and ordered something from you yesterday because it was so cheap that I would have been foolish to order it anywhere else. (And no, it wasn’t books.) Now, I happen to be really excited about getting this particular something, so I ordered it with two day shipping. Let me repeat that: I paid extra for two day shipping.

Now, I placed my order at 9:13 AM. So you can imagine that I was surprised to learn that it didn’t ship until almost five o’clock, and my package tracking thingie says you don’t expect it to arrive until October Fifth. 5 October is not two days from 1 October, it is four days from 1 October. Can you please explain to me why I paid extra for two day shipping for a package that is arriving in four days?

Now, I am all for erring on the side of caution. But two day shipping means “two day shipping.” Had I ordered it by Ground or Standard or whatever the hell you call it, it can show up any time. But when I give you more money because I want a package by Wednesday, it had better damn well show up on Wednesday. And if it doesn’t, there had better be a really good reason for it, like the UPS depot was taken over by rabid zebras so no deliveries were made.

Look, Amazon. I’m considering this a trial run. I was not “taking you back,” I was considering whether or not I wanted to continue doing business with you. So far, you’re getting an F. So surprise me and make sure that package shows up at some point tomorrow.

Or…lose one of your millions of yearly customers and quail in fear at my impotent fury.


A Dissatisfied Customer

One Reply to “Ahem”

  1. You’re not alone. When book six of Harry Potter was due out, I pre-ordered it half a year in advance and was told it would arrive on the day of release. It arrived three weeks late. And that’s just one of the annoying things about Amazon.com. I’ve never shopped there again but didn’t bother to send such an eloquently worded complaint letter. I salute you. Lucky me though, living in Canada, I now shop at Amazon.ca…which has never ever disappointed me. Ever.

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