this ain't livin'

Fun Time | 30Apr07

I was talking with a friend earlier today about the state of computer games.

He is a far more knowledgeable man than I when it comes to computer games, and rattled off games and systems I had never even heard of. But it did get me thinking about some of my favourite computer games, back in the day. I don’t really game much anymore, I think because I work and read and am doing other things. Primarily, I think that working on a computer lessens my love for it when I do not need to be working, so I don’t really want to track down and install emulators and so forth to run these games. It would be kind of fun to get an emulator running, though, return to the heady days of my youth.

At any rate, in no particular order, computer games of my childhood:

Oregon Trail

Really, what’s not to love about Oregon Trail! There’s a whole generation of California kids that grew up playing it in the computer lab, and we all remember it fondly. My oxen always died. Or some shit. I think I made it all the way through once. I got really good at the hunting part, though. I liked indiscriminately spattering the landscape with bullets, so I usually ran out about a third of the way through.

The Manhole

The Manhole was a super cool hypercard game. Does anyone remember hypercard? Well, it was cool. Anyway, the Manhole involved climbing into a manhole and discovering all these cool worlds. Kind of a precursor to Myst and Riven, both of which I enjoyed. I like interactive puzzles which are also totally cool with letting you wander around the world. I don’t really remember very much of the Manhole at all, and I would probably think it’s completely lame now, but maybe I should track it down anyway.

Megaball

Megaball was my all time favourite game ever. I used to think that I would become a professional Megaball player, sweeping megaball championships around the world. My father got tired of it pretty quickly, but I would stay up for hours through the night playing it and designing new boards. Because you could design boards. How cool is that? I think I would still be playing Megaball for hours at a time if I had an Amiga. Man, I loved it when I got lasers.

FAA Flight Simulator

Our Amiga also came with a bad-ass flight simulator. My favourite thing to do was load the map of San Francisco and crash into the TransAmerican Pyramid. I also liked flying under the Golden Gate Bridge. My main problem was that I could not land on the aircraft carrier without exploding, so I had to enjoy the flight.

There was also a sweet car chase game, I forget what it was called. Grand Theft Auto’s beginnings, if you will. I loved evading the cops, driving the wrong way on cloverleafs, and hitting those giant barrels filled with water.

Clearly, I need an Amiga again.

10 Things You Probably Do Not Know About Me | 30Apr07

1. When I read a book, I always open it up to the first chapter, and then I flip back to the title page and read through the Library of Congress data, the dedications, table of contents, and everything else.

2. When I leave the house, I always double check the handle after I lock it. Sometimes I get halfway down the block and I check it again, just in case.

3. I eat the stems of broccoli.

4. I have a very set way of eating artichokes, which is sometimes maddening for other people to watch. I am also very skilled at removing the perilous innards of an artichoke, so that I can get at the heart.

5. I have never owned a swimsuit, but I swim a lot.

6. I don’t like things that crunch, loud noises, perfume, and the smell of hair products.

7. I sleep in the middle of the bed.

8. I hate milk chocolate with a passion which approaches my hatred of crunchy things.

9. I committed a felony once, but the cop wrote me up for 10 miles over instead.

10. I have never been to Mexico, or South America.

Despondent Passionfruit | 30Apr07

Free mass transit as a result of the freeway collapse. Use it, Bay Area readers!

Vote Trees in ‘08.

Interesting photos from New Orleans, documenting damage on a more personalized and small scale. I’m particularly fond of the photo of the entranceway of a home in the Chalmette neighborhood. Apparently his publisher was too, since it’s the cover photo.

China’s dirty little secret comes out…at the cost of what may end up being hundreds of lives. See, kids, this is why we need to regulate the food supply, because people do fucked up things to pet food, and they probably do it to people food too.

Iran, a notoriously oppressive nation, has banned “Western hairstyles.” Actually…maybe getting rid of the mullet is a good idea. I’m totally moving to Iran! Wait, I don’t want to wear hijab. I’ll endure a few mullets for the sake of being able to show my face in public.

A Canon-sponsored slideshow of amazing photographs from 2007. There’s some pretty neat and also very intense content in here.

When in doubt, cut AIDS funding. It’s ok, no one cares about AIDS anymore. Probably no one will even notice. Just in case, do it on a Friday.

Missing | 29Apr07

Walking on the seawall, the City looks like a chalky smear of tall buildings in fog, burnt orange by the setting sun. The ocean was choppy today, coarse and rough with spitting plumes of spray which occasionally smacked my face, turning it salty and tight in little clouds of droplets. Raw white crests on the waves danced, turning yellow and spongy before disappearing when they hit the shore. There is a cold, sharp wind which tries to whistle in under my jacket, and my earrings clack in the wind, growing colder and brushing my neck like icy fingers. My mouth tastes bitter and metallic. My eyelashes are crusted with salt and I want to tear my garments and rub myself with earth, rub myself in the Earth.

There are so many things and people I miss right now. I feel sometimes that I cannot hold all the missing in, it is like a black hole which gapes hungrily out from me. I am going to collapse and suck the world inside of me.

I am the elephant in the room.

Sometimes I am surprised by the words and language which come out of me, much as I imagine a woman is embarrassed when her water breaks in public. It’s such an intrinsically private act, suddenly there for the whole world to see, and everyone is solicitous and caring. I wonder, sometimes, if women like that secretly wish they could disappear, melt away, like I do. If the attention of people concerned about them almost makes it worse, highlights the glaring error of what is not in the scene. I don’t want a concerned bystander to call a cab, I want to see the face of someone I love. I long for something which I may never have again, not the hand of a stranger on my arm, sickly sweet syllables in my ear, shaking my head, confusion. I am filled with jagged anger and longing which orbit each other around my sun. I am reminded of my bitterness and sorrow daily, I taste these things in my food and see them in my dreams.

Everything is broken.

More and more lately, I feel like the rock in a middle of a stream of water, fixed and going nowhere while everyone else rushes by. They brush me as they bustle past, but I cannot reach out to them because I am immovable and hard, brittle. They are moving by too quickly to stop.

Nothing is broken. Everything is fine. Carry on.

Sometimes I want to just disappear, slip away over the horizon to a place where no one can find me. More and more these days, I feel like no one would really notice.

Mournful Baobab | 29Apr07

Newsom looks at a court in New York city which focuses on quality of life issues. Maybe if he spent more time dealing with San Francisco issues, our quality of life could be better too!

A serial killer confesses and the Times is there. Well, actually the FBI is there, and the Times writes about it. Neat story, though.

Erroneous information about condoms is being included in sex education programs which receive funding from organizations that promote abstinence only education. Eeeek!

An excellent analysis of the “funny picture with grammatically incorrect caption” meme which is sweeping the interwebs.

Photos from the Beach Impeach on Ocean Beach yesterday are up. I was going to go, but I woke up at one.

Freeway collapse in the East Bay of epic propotions! More pictures here. I wonder if it’s going to take them 15 years to fix it, like the entrance to the Bay Bridge, or if CalTrans will step up the pace a little.

On Content Filtering | 28Apr07

I defy anyone to work under these conditions. Loki is a content Nazi to rival any of these new fangled filtering programs. He doesn’t like: loud noise, flashing banner ads, Republican sites, anything which requires me to type, and excessive mousing. Ideally, he lies on the mouse.

He does like: games with bouncing things, Google reader, low classical music, and the Times. As exciting as these things are, they ultimately have limited appeal, especially when I am trying to get actual work done.

You can’t see it in this picture, because he moved his head at the last second (read: 10 seconds after I clicked “take” on my cellphone), but he has a vicious set of fangs and he’s not afraid to use them. He’s also surprisingly muscular, and will wedge his legs into the desk to prevent me from shifting the keyboard to a more comfortable position.

I am curious to know when someone will develop workarounds for feline based content filtering protocols, and why more companies aren’t taking advantage of this cost effective technology. I’ve tried a number of workaround techniques including manual uninstall, but the tendency for cats to wedge where they are not wanted seems to be fairly universal, especially when they tag team. I also think that using cats for filtering would improve company morale. I mean, if your browsing is going to be censored, it might as well be censored by something soft and fluffy, to distract you from the harsh reality of life.

Crisp Cantalope | 28Apr07

What does circumcision do to your sex life, really?

Everyone knows that drug companies pay test subjects. Why not make a living as a pro?

Debt is crippling students and recent college graduates.

Some companies are starting to realize the potential value of marketing to Muslim Americans.

Welcome to my life.

Using Craigslist Successfully | 27Apr07

Our third roommate, the mysterious Z, recently announced that she is going to be moving out at the end of May. This is a source of sadness to us, because Z is a pretty cool cat. It’s also a source of sadness because now we have to look for another roommate, which is never an enjoyable task. Fortunately, the Bay Area has this nifty site called Craigslist, which you have perhaps heard of. Ah, Craigslist. How I loathe it, yet love it, at the same time. (By the way, if you or someone you know is looking for a room in San Francisco, feel free to email me—meloukhia at gmail dot com is the name of the game.)

So I posted a carefully crafted and precise ad today, and sat back to wait for the results. Within five minutes, I had a hit from someone who was wrong in every conceivable way…and they probably knew this when they were writing me, but decided to go for it anyway. Bad idea! Don’t make me grumpy when my carpal is acting up.

The thing about Craigslist is that a lot of people don’t really seem to understand how to use it. So I thought I would provide a few useful tips for using Craigslist, which apply both to the abundant personals section and the housing. Please, republish them. I entreat you. I wouldn’t mind credit, but beggars cannot be choosers.

1. Think about what you want.

Make a list of your expectations before you look at ads. Think about how much rent you want to pay, what gender you want a potential partner to be, if you need studio space, if you must date a blonde, etc. Keep this list handy while you look at ads, so that you can immediately strike down ads which are not a good fit. It’s a waste of everyone’s time to respond to an ad thinking “well, maybe it will work out. I mean, I want to live in the Sunset, but this place is pretty close to Ashby BART, so I could commute…” It’s not unreasonable to have expectations, and no one thinks less of you for it. Also use your expectations to help narrow your search, meaning less garbage to pore through. There’s a lot of garbage on Craigslist. Save yourself.

2. Read.

Read the damn ad. About half of the responses I get every time I use Craigslist to advertise anything are from people who did not bother to read the ad. If you have animals, check to see whether or not the ad says that they are ok. You might also want to establish if the person writing the ad is looking for a particular gender, sexual orientation, or age. This is particularly pertinent in the personals. If you are, for example, a disgustingly skinny forty year old, don’t respond to an ad looking for “twenty something full figured women.” That is not you.

Once you have established whether or not you meet the expectations of the person posting the ad, think about the list of questions you might ask. How much is rent? Is it possible that this information might be included in the ad? Uhm…probably. So look. You look like a complete fool if you ask “how much is the deposit” when a line in the ad clearly starts “Deposit is $X, making move in costs $Y.” Your basic lack of reading comprehension might be a turn off. Read the ad carefully to see which questions are answered, and make note of questions that come up. Read the whole ad. Please.

The ad can also give you a feel for the person writing it. If you like peace and quiet, responding to an ad for a “convivial party friendly household” is probably not a good call. If you smoke pot and an ad suggests that drugs are not welcome, do not respond. Your potential future roommates will not be impressed by your persistence. They don’t want drugs in their house, and they probably have good reasons for it. Respect that. If the ad says the house is “clean,” expect it to be clean. “Laid back” might suggest an atmosphere where your dirty dishes are more welcome.

3. Formulate a response with care.

I realize that not everyone is a grammar nazi, but taking the time to write a grammatically correct, well parsed response is worth it. First of all, clearly stating your aims eliminates potential confusion. It also shows that you have a brain and know how to use it.

Respond to specifics of the ad. Most people want to know how old you are, your gender orientation, and what you do for a living. State these up front, and then add supplemental information about how you “love cooking for your roommates” and “can’t wait to spend a romantic night out.” The people writing ads have expectations as well, so don’t waste their time by burying useful information. This is also a good place to lay out some basic expectations of your own, like “my girlfriend likes to come over a lot” and “I prefer nonsmokers.”

4. If you don’t get a response…

A. The person hates you and is too lazy to respond. Which is, I admit, pretty lame. I always respond, usually briefly, even if the person is not a good fit at all.

B. The person is really busy, and will get back to you. Don’t pester them, it will confuse their inbox.

C. The room/position of sexual partner is already taken, and the person forgot to take down the ad or is too lazy. Bummer.

Please, people. Help make Craigslist a better place for us all.

p.s. You can read my manifesto on Craigslist too! I promise to reprint any novel responses here.

[Craigslist]

Ticklish Pear | 27Apr07

Vaginal birth after Cesarean section is possible, many mothers and midwives argue, although it is higher risk. Some hospitals, apparently, are not willing to take that risk.

About time we got hardcore about people abusing the carpool lane. It’s there for a reason, and that reason is not thirty year old cell phone users driving SUVs.

Photo retouching is big business. Personally, I think a line should be drawn between fantasy and reality. But that’s just me, apparently.

Doctors are still getting goodies from big pharma, which could lead to some major issues. Should this practice be more heavily regulated?

Beijing has outlawed the practice of bribing the press, although it never should have been allowed to flourish in the first place.

How the CIA smuggled six people out of Iran…by fabricating an entire Hollywood picture.

Sensational Education | 26Apr07

Dead people fascinate me.

I suspect that a lot of people have this obsession, deep down. I loved both Stiff and Corpse for their fascinating depictions of death and forensics. I also plow through books like Death’s Acre, which specifically talks about forensic anthropology. And I don’t just read about dead people and the fascinating things that their bodies do…I am also obsessed with CSI and other forensics shows.

I was talking to a friend the other day and mentioned that I probably would have gone for a career in forensics, except that dead people smell. Also, I think that I am probably more squeamish than I realize. But it’s more The Smell. Nice fresh bodies, I’m sure, are quite fine, but…one doesn’t get to choose the cases that get worked on.

I think it’s part of a larger human interest in death, in general. I mean, we’ve conquered quite a few things, scientifically, but we still have not gotten a handle on death. Death is mysterious and intriguing to us because we don’t really know what it is, and while we can describe what happens physically, that doesn’t satisfy our quest to know more.

My feelings about death drive me to want to see shows like BodyWorlds, because I think it would be interesting. On the other hand, I kind of dislike the sense of showboating that goes along with it. I like the concept of showing people posed in different activities, of peeling back different layers of skin and muscle to show what’s going on under there. And these bodies were donated by people who wanted to be seen. But there’s also something about it that is troubling to me, just as taxidermies kind of upset me. A sort of violation of nature, that this body which should have decomposed naturally and returned to the earth is now just plastic.

I mean, I’ve seen dead people in varying states. I support anatomical dissection for medical students who want to participate in it. But I’m not sure that looking at a confusing agglomeration of body parts would benefit me, really. I could also look at an anatomy textbook, or physically hold and work with models of body parts. Just…looking…doesn’t seem very productive.

There are also some ethical issues with BodyWorlds. While the developers of BodyWorlds may claim that their bodies are all freely donated, I’m not sure that’s true. I know that this isn’t the case with copycat shows, which use bodies and prosections from places like China and India. Places which use capital punishment to generate a flow of organs for those in need, and also run large plastination factories to supply parts for the education of medical students. Everything has its price…and I’m not sure that bodies from these areas were always freely donated, especially given prevailing beliefs about death and dying.

This is why I war over BodyWorlds within myself. On the one hand, yes, confront mortality, check out all of these cool plastinated people, isn’t that cool. But then I hear that BodyWorlds includes a pregnant woman with fetus still inside, and I wonder what happened to her. And how it would feel to look at that. Is it really educational, or just voyeurism, like slumming in the ghettos of New Orleans?

Is is education? Or just sensationalism wrapped in the guise of education? Should I really agonize over it that much?