Search in review

I haven’t done this in awhile, so I thought today was a good day to highlight some of the more entertaining search terms that bring people here. Some of them appear to be pressing questions which need answering. Others just don’t make sense.

“giving cat a bath” presumably lands readers here and also reminds me that Loki needs a bath.

I’m also a fan of “how to behave like a polite.” A polite what?

“victorian pelvic exams” is rather good. I was actually just reading an article about Victorian doctors and how they conducted exams (in case you were wondering, which you apparently are, they were expected to conduct the examination within the voluminous folds of a skirt, which must have made things rather challenging).

“massage therapists, do they see the genitals.” No.

“water holes navarro river.” Like I’m going to tell you where those are.

“pineapple lumps,” of course, lands the reader on part four of the candy report, featuring exciting New Zealand confections like pineapple lumps.

“asparagus spoiled.” I have a pretty high tolerance for spoiled food, but I imagine asparagus is irrevocably spoiled when it’s molding or slimy. Or it’s gone the other way and has turned wrinkled and wooden. Either way, it can probably still make your pee smell funny.

“sweet potato gnocci recipe.” I’m shocked to see that I am apparently the number one return on Google for this, which must mean it’s a topic without that much coverage. This sort of surprises me, actually, because sweet potatoes are rather trendy right now. Incidentally, singular potato, plural potatoes. Just so we’re clear on that. (Oh, and here’s the recipe. It’s really good with a cream sauce. I’m just saying.)

“piaci pizza.” Don’t go here.

“poultry pluckers.” Did you know that after you cut a bird’s head off, it really does run around the farmyard scaring the shit out of all the other animals? Pretty neat, eh.

There were a few other things which I prefer not to contemplate. The internet is an amazing place, I tell you. Amazing. Google captures most of the market share here (72%), followed by MSN. Usually it’s Google alone with one random Lycos search or something like that thrown in. Ah, Google.

I’ve also got a lot of Middle Eastern readers right now, which is sort of neat. Especially considering that some Middle Eastern companies have national firewalls and I sort of assumed I’d be banned, since I talk about all sorts of inappropriate things. This is what happens when you let a gal out of purdah.