Candy Report: Part Four

New Zealand, part two—an epic candy adventure.

I started with the Cadbury Crunchie, a “golden hokey pokey covered in DAIRY MILK milk chocolate.” I wasn’t sure what a hokey pokey was, but I’m pretty certain that’s what it’s all about.

Hokey Pokey, it turns out, I think, in honeycomb. That’s what this candy reminded me of, is the chocolate covered honeycomb I used to get at Papa Bear’s in high school. Only this was milk chocolate, so it was almost unbearably sweet. But I ended up digging it. I wish I had another—a pregnant lady of my acquaintance would enjoy the crunchy flavour, I think.

cadbury crunchie

I wasn’t overly enthused about the pinky. It was chocolate covered marshmallow, and even the fact that it was pink couldn’t save it. A little too sweet, again, and gooey.

cadbury pinky

I must admit, I feared the pineapple lumps when I saw them. I tried to rationalize the fear, and couldn’t. After all, I like pineapple. I also like Mounds, which are a similar concept, only coconut instead. Pineapple and chocolate might be good, right?

No, pineapple and chocolate is not good.

It was like a pineapple…I don’t know…marshmallow? You know those candies in the whitman’s sampler you throw out because it’s like biting into a sponge? Imagine that, only yellow and pineapple flavoured.

pascall pineapple lumps

This here is what they call a “luxury biscuit bar.”

I can’t say I would concur. The biscuit was sweet and crumbly, the toffee sweet and gooey, the chocolate sweet and cheap. Woah nelly. Too much sweet for me to handle. Moving on.

griffin's toffee pop

I like bananas, and I like chocolate. One of my favourite things in the world is bananas with hot fudge. How would the Perkynana stand up?

Let’s just say badly and leave it at that.

cadbury perkynana

This Peanut Slab was actually pretty good. I think the chocolate may have been a higher quality, and though I’m not a huge fan of peanuts in chocolate, this was decent.

whittaker's peanut slab

I think Cadbury pawns off their inferior chocolate on New Zealand. Seriously. The Canadian Cadbury stuff was good, but all the New Zealand stuff was milky and foul–likewise with this caramel chew, which was simply too sweet for me.

cadbury caramel chew

I realize I must be bagging on some New Zealand favourites. Really, the only thing I dug was the Jaffas, and even those I was lukewarm about.

It’s really interesting to get candy from other places, because it’s tailored to a palate different than my own. Canadians seem to like their candy a little darker and more sophisticated than Americans—I really liked the Canadian goods. New Zealanders, apparently, fancy cheap overly sweet confectionary.

Or maybe that’s why my friends in New Zealand are always begging me to send American candy over there. Candy freedom fighters! Striking a blow for justice! I’m going to have to eat a nice solid bar of Chocolove or something to get over this New Zealand stuff. Ugh.

[Pineapple Lumps]
[Toffee Pop]
[Peanut Slab]
[Caramel Chew]