this ain't livin'

Big River | 30Apr06

Yesterday we went to Big River State Beach. It’s a pretty cool place, and the area around it including sizeable hiking trails and Headlands is available to the public thanks to some hard working members of our community, who thought it a shame to see that land in private hands. So they raised a whole ton of money, bought it, and put it into the hands of the parks department. For those of my readers who are not local, Big River is in Mendocino, about 10 minutes south of me by car. It is also north of…Little River.

Here’s the pathway down to the beach. That dim shaggy shape is Lupin, who was our canine companion for the adventure. She is a Saint Bernard. She is also very large. The iris were out in full force, and it was quite lovely.

Here she is lying in the sand looking oh so vicious. One of her favourite pastimes, I assure you. (Those are Dora’s pants in the background, a crucial part of the composition, I think you will agree?) We actually made a lot of doggy friends–there was a four month old pitbull who was simply a sweetheart, playing with his terrier companion. There was a giant exuberant black lab who was having an ongoing war with the seagulls, a beautiful doberman who had a passion for oversized sticks, and an assortment of other canids, all of whom were very nice. If you don’t see any lurking park rangers, you can let your dog run off leash. (Not that I would, I mean, ever do that. I’m just saying that, uhm, some people, you know, do.)

This is called “smuggler’s island,” because smugglers…er…live there. No foolies. There’s a giant house which can be seen from a different part of the beach, although I refrained from photographing it because I didn’t want anything unpleasant to happen. The house was up for sale a few years ago and I went to check it out. I assure you, it’s a drug den. It is not, however, an island, it is a promontory. The water is part of the big river estuary, which is a fancy of saying it’s there the ocean and the river meet.

There was a lot of driftwood on the beach, which enterprising architects turned into amazing structures. There were three bedrooms, little nooks barely big enough to fit in, and everything in between. This is the northern side of a two bedroom–lovely ocean view, as you can see. The structure was about four feet high, constructed entirely out of driftwood. It looks like it’s straight from the Swiss Family Robinson, doesn’t it?

We called this “the beehive” and agreed it was the coolest thing on the beach. It’s actually quite roomy inside, though cozy. And…amazing. Constructed with driftwood and wire, it curves up from the shelter of a giant old growth log, which is skulking in the foreground. It was also lined with pillows for easy napping. (I suspect that those belonged to the group of youths who were frolicking further down the shore–they also left their backpacks and shoes about.)

Just in case you couldn’t remember the zip code. This was a giant structure, with a sunken pit in the beach. Giant. A sweatlodge for twenty.

Here’s the northern end of the beach, and the lagoon. It’s, uh, you know, beachy. There are some surfers out there but you probably can’t see them.

This was another very large, very cool structure, with a sentiment I can agree with. If only it applied to the whole county.

Inside one of the structures, looking up.

Worms burrow under bark and leave amazingly cool trails which weather beautifully. This is an upright pole in one of the structures.

Pretty cool, eh?

[Big River Beach]

Where we were… | 29Apr06

Here’s a preview of what lies in store for you tomorrow, gentle readers. Those are our sandals, hanging out on Big River Beach. Behind them is one of many amazing architectural structures created from driftwood washed up during the recent storms. (Bonus points for the reader who can guess which pair of sandals is mine.)

Voluntary | 29Apr06

The Chronicle today has an article about “The Bridge”, a movie about suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge. The film documents six of the twenty four known suicides from the bridge which occurred in 2004, part of a project which included videotaping the bridge continuously for a year. (There was a great deal of dispute about the taping because when the filmmaker originally applied for permits he said it was for a “historical project,” not that he was intending to examine suicides from the bridge.) Unlike a National Geographic film crew, however, the filmmaker and his crew reported to 911 any suspicious behaviour, suicide attempts, or suicides–they were not lurking, macabre, under the bridge waiting gleefully for someone to die.

I’d like to see the film, because I’ve heard good things about it. But I’d like people who haven’t experienced suicide in their lives to see it as well, because they might take something from it.

I realized yesterday when I was in a conversation with several survivors of suicide victims that there are fundamental differences between us and other people in society. There are things that I understand on a visceral level that someone who has not been touched by suicide can’t comprehend. It’s been the cause of a lot of argument in my life lately, being told by the ignorant that suicides are “selfish” and that “there’s always something left to live for,” which is not really something that I’m interested in hearing right now. I’ve honestly reached the point where I wish people who didn’t understand would just shut up, because they certainly aren’t helping. At one point in my life, I am ashamed to admit, I also held those shortsighted and unenlightened views, but at least I had the decency not to shove them in the faces of people in mourning.

Perhaps the most clear difference is that people who have not had suicide in their lives don’t seem to understand a fundamental precept: life is voluntary. I’m in the process of re-reading Stranger in a Strange Land right now, and it’s one of the crucial themes of the book, that the principal characters understand when it’s time to discorporate and do so, that it’s actually a sort of embarrassment to discorporate involuntarily. Every death does have a meaning, is what Heinlein is saying, including your own. You do have the autonomy to choose the date and place of your death, should you so choose–and why shouldn’t you, because your life is your own. Your life does not belong to anyone, or any society–it is something you can use as you wish to. And while your survivors have the right to be saddened by your choice, and to grieve for you, ultimately it is the hope that they would be happy for you, that they will not cling to you, refusing to set you free. For people who haven’t experienced a suicide, this is a difficult concept to grasp, and it’s one that spans a lot of aspects of life.

For example, I was having a conversation with someone recently in which I declaimed that if I was in a persistent vegetative state, brain dead, or in a coma from which I showed no signs of reviving, I would want life support withdrawn, immediately. I would appreciate some measures aimed at my comfort such as water and analgesia, but I would like to die rather than exist in that state. And the person I was talking to said “yeah well maybe after a year or so.” This shows what to me is an uncommonly optimistic grip on life. A refusal to face facts, even. Hey man, death happens. So just..let go.

Or what about the case of euthanasia, something the United States still refuses to come to terms with? It saddens me that my animals can die a death with dignity, if the time comes, and I can’t. No, if I want to be euthanized I’m going to have to swing by the store and pick up a rifle. I can’t even have someone shoot me if I’m incapacitated, because that would be murder. Even if I have clearly expressed wishes regarding the subject.

Americans fear death, on a deep level, and the fear in which they hold death clearly impacts their views on suicide. Most Western cultures also are afraid of death, though at least they aren’t quite as phobic as we are. But in other parts of the world, like some Eastern cultures, death is embraced as what it is: yet another adventure. The first step on an untrodden path–survivors may be saddened by the death of a loved one but they are ready and willing to let go, understanding that the spirit will never be free otherwise. We should come face to face with death and acknowledge it, like the characters in The Amber Spyglass who spend their lives accompanied by their deaths. Embrace it, rather than turning way.

I know on some level that the spirits of my dead are with me, and while I’m not ready to join them yet, I look forward to seeing them at the end of my life. I am proud of and happy for all of them for the choices they made in life, and about their lives, however they may have died.

Honor the dead, don’t defame them.

[suicide]

Friday Public Loki Announcement | 28Apr06

Loki has a few words of wisdom for you, gentle readers, as kitten season is upon us.

Spay and neuter your pets. No excuses. There are too many unwanted, homeless, miserable animals in the world and if your pets are not altered, or you know someone with unaltered pets, you are contributing to the problem. To take a phrase from the pro-choice movement: every pet a wanted pet. If you are low income, most areas have funds available to assist you, so don’t be afraid to ask.

Take good care of your animal companions. Bring them in to a veterinarian for a yearly checkup. Brush their teeth. Make sure your pets are eating a balanced and healthy diet and getting exercise. Take careful note of their physical condition and keep an eye on any changes you may see. While you might feel silly going to a veterinarian “because Mr Piggy seems a little down,” you might be catching a serious problem early–and if you haven’t, your vet isn’t going to chide you for being a proactive pet guardian. Pet insurance is available to assist you with the cost of veterinary services at a relatively low monthly premium, and many plans include an annual exam. Remember–animals can’t communicate as directly as we can, and often express pain and discomfort through unusual behaviour.

Are you thinking of bringing a new dog or cat into your life? Awesome! Please consider adopting from a regional animal welfare organization, such as the Humane Society or Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Better yet, adopt from your local animal care and control. You might also think about turning to older animals, who are less likely to be adopted than cute kittens, or (if you have the patience and the resources) special needs animals.

I know there’s a lot of temptation to buy purebred animals, for reasons of status and breed familiarity. But wouldn’t you rather save a life? All of my merry band were adopted through the Humane Society, and every morning I’m glad to share my life with their distinctive (though sometimes frustrating) personalities. Mixed breed animals also tend to be more hardy, less neurotic, and less prone to physical defects than pure breds. And don’t let origins frighten you–Loki was part of a feral litter, and he’s grown up to serene, mellow, and loving. Mr Shadow was abandoned outside someone’s house, and they “decided not to keep him” after one day of disagreeing with the other feline resident of the house. Mr Bell was brought back to the humane society after being “too playful” as a kitten. They might not have papers, and they might not be “worth anything”, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

[pets]

Sustainable Table | 27Apr06

My friend Mischa is on the verge of graduating from Chapman, and completed a film for his senior thesis. Which is pretty awesome. Soon I’ll be saying I knew him when, because we went to school together when we were wee. I have tremendous respect for Mischa and I think he’s a wonderful man. Yes, I may have punched him on the Caspar bus once but that’s old history, and I wasn’t aiming at him anyway, I was meaning to hit Kenny. And no, I didn’t get suspended over it, damnit, so stop spreading that rumour.

But there are more reasons Mischa is awesome. For example, he rides for AIDS/Lifecycle (and yes, gentle readers, you should donate because it’s a great cause). He’s an awesome musician. He’s a great audio and film editor (obviously). He hugs a kitten every day. He actually graduated from a real college and is intending to, you know, do things with his life.

But let’s talk about his movie for a moment. It’s a documentary called Sustainable Table, and you should totally go see it–it’s screening in Orange, Ca tomorrow, and again at the Matheson Performing Arts Centre in Mendocino on Sunday (at seven). If you can’t make a screening, order a copy through the website, and invite a bunch of friends over and have a movie night. It’s totally worth it. The movie is about an issue close to my heart–food, and where it comes from. It’s an eye opening look into American agriculture and food politics.

Mischa interviewed some interesting people, including Howard Lyman and Marc Grossman. He traveled all over the place and worked with a number of organizations trying to raise our awareness about food. So go watch it. Start deconstructing your plate and looking at the seamy underbelly of your food: before it’s too late.

Congratulations, Mischa.

[Sustainable Table]

Congratulations to Cecilie Skog | 26Apr06

Skog has become the first woman in recorded history to summit the highest peaks on all seven continents and ski unsupported to both poles. She and the rest of her team made it to the North Pole from Nunavut on Monday night, in a crossing which took only 49 days (a record for an unsupported expedition, as if she wasn’t breaking enough records already).

It’s official: this woman is so way cooler than I could ever be. I am immensely proud of her and her expedition, and I’ll bet her fellow Norwegians are too.

No drips allowed | 26Apr06

So the other day I was at work, merrily minding my own business, and I was forced to go into the outside world in search of window cleaner. (Literally, actually, my boss thrust money into my hand and propelled me out the door.)

Now maybe I’m just poor. But we used vinegar to clean our windows when I was a kid, and that’s what I use at home. Nice, smooth shine. And it’s so much fun to crinkle up old newspapers and rub them all over the windows. The scent also disippates quite rapidly, especially if you have the other windows open while you were. I mean, I’m also a stupid hippie so I try to use home-made cleaners whenever possible, and I try to make sure that those cleaners minimize environmental impact. In addition, I’m a cheapskate and I dislike the idea of paying $4 for a product designed for only one use, unlike vinegar which is an all purpose utility sort of thing. And costs $4 for a GIANT JUG. But, no, I was expected to buy commercial glass cleaner.

I was surprised to learn when I got to the store that there’s a wide array of glass cleaning products available. It seems like the most represented brand is “Windex,” and that was the type I was asked to get, but there’s more than one type of Windex, apparently, including “Windex No Drip.” Windex is a shocking shade of blue, also. (I don’t understand how rubbing glass with brightly coloured liquids is supposed to get it any cleaner.)

I was a little confused by the labeling. Did they mean that drips shouldn’t use Windex? Or that this Windex was guaranteed effective against drips? (I sort of enjoy the thought of rampaging through the streets spraying people with Windex, watching the drips melt away.) So I had to read the bottle. It turns out that the product is designed…not to drip. Because this is apparently a big problem in the glass cleaning world. Such a big problem that a product was specifically designed to combat dripping.

I’m glad, you know, that scientists are concerned with such pressing issues as dripping glass cleaners. I’m sure someone, somewhere, is very happy about “Windex No Drip,” simply because they haven’t discovered the joys of a cleaning solution like vinegar. But I have to wonder…if S C Johnson had invested the amount of funding in, say, AIDS as they do in products like “Windex No Drip,” what sort of world we would be living in. (Perhaps one with products like “AIDS No Drip”: now with extra-immune boosting shine!)

[Windex No Drip]

Tschernobyl | 26Apr06

At 1:23 in the morning twenty years ago, the nuclear reactor at Tschernobyl experienced a catastrophic failure, resulting in the release of somewhere between 50 and 250 million Curies of radiation. This is equivalent to something like 100 nuclear bombs. A little over half a year later, the wounded reactor had been contained in a giant concrete sarcophagus to prevent additional leakage. This cover is decaying, rapidly, and a second containment unit is underway, with an estimated completion date of 2008.

It was not until 12 December, 2000 that the Tschernobyl facility was shut down altogether by the Russian government, after prolonged international negotiation.

Surrounding the area today is a vast exclusion zone, for which special permits are needed. It is also called the Dead Zone, because the effects of radiation are very obvious to the eye. For an idea of what the exclusion zone is like, check out Ghost Town, a fascinating travelogue through the Dead Zone by a Ukrainian woman called Elena.

Belarus, the Ukraine, and Russia all struggle with the environmental consequences today.

Nuclear meltdowns happen.

I’m not sure this should force us to abandon nuclear power as an energy source, because it does have certain attractions. But I think it should cause us to carefully consider the use of atomic and hydrogen bombs. The suffering endured by the people and the land around Tschernobyl was and is horrific–I cannot imagine being part of a government today which would willingly inflict this on another nation.

It made me very uncomfortable to read recently that Mr Bush was considering the use of nuclear weapons against Iran. He already faces considerable outcry, including a letter written by 13 physicists (and five Nobel Laureates among them!), which outlines the case against the use of nuclear weapons. One of the strongest points they make is rather simple:

Using or even merely threatening to use a nuclear weapon preemptively against a non-nuclear adversary tells the 182 non-nuclear-weapons countries signatories of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty that their adherence to the treaty offers them no protection against a nuclear attack by a nuclear nation. Many are thus likely to abandon the treaty…(Emphasis mine.)

I would think after Hiroshima and Nagasaki, we would have learned our lesson. But we bombed Japan with nuclear weapons over sixty years ago–perhaps it is becoming a distant memory in the minds of policy makers.

I grew up in the tail end of the Cold War–I know most of my readers were alive then as well. Surely you can remember the great fear which accompanied the Cold War, the fear that the world could be destroyed by two nations with nuclear weapons. Well, now we have many, many more weapons in our arsenal, and a number of nations possess nuclear capability. I’m sure I’m not the only American who sees a severe shortsightedness in an administration which is willing to use nuclear weapons preemptively.

I know that my gentle readers don’t always agree with me, and sometimes you even submit thoughtful and excellent rebuttals to my points. This is the nature of open communication and debate, and something I would not give up for all the world. But I would sincerely hope we can all agree that the use of nuclear weapons at any time, and certainly preemptively, should be seriously questioned.

Remember Hiroshima. Remember Nagasaki. Remember Bikini Atoll. Remember Three Mile Island. Remember Tschernobyl.

Never again.

[nuclear]
[Tschernobyl]

A note for Haddock | 25Apr06

So, my copy of V for Vendetta appears to be missing in action. This is a double tragedy because I thought perhaps I should reorder it and discovered that it’s actually quite difficult to find. (Presumably Moore didn’t authorize a re-release to tie in with the film because he disowned the film.) But I’m on the hunt, and I’ll let you know what turns up.

Also, Roseability looks delicious. Next time I will remember to save room for dessert.

If tomorrow didn’t come… | 25Apr06

I’ve been thinking, today, about what will happen when the apocalypse comes.

I’m not sure if the apocalypse is going to descend upon us all at once, or slowly, gradually, like a curtain being lowered. I just finished reading Into the Forest, which I think is the best vision of what might happen. The power grid will become unstable. Basic resources will become difficult to obtain. But it won’t happen all at once. Brick by brick, the wall falls. It wouldn’t be as simple as going to sleep one night in civilization and waking up the next day in anarchy. Instead we will slowly become accustomed to inconvenience, and those of us who were alive “before” will remember what it was like. Will we survive? Or will we perish seeking the thin threads of our old lives?

We seem to be on a path to destruction, humanity, with our governments and our exploiting the planet, our lack of patience with natural processes and our everpresent desire for more, harder, faster, longer, stronger. The world may be our oyster but what if there isn’t a pearl inside?

I’m drinking filtered water from a gravity fed and government maintained reservoir right now.

Where will my water come from when the apocalypse comes?

I’m using a computer and the internet to write about the apocalypse.

Where will SBC and PG&E be? Will it start with rolling blackouts, frustratingly erratic connectivity, or will the system break down all at once, rapidly, a domino effect of destruction?

I’m wearing cotton clothing that was made in another country right now.

How will I cover myself, when the apocalypse comes?

I wish I had a patch of land to call my own, a garden filled with vegetables, a pen of sheep and goats. I wish I had flax and linen to spin and weave. Only the intrepid can hope for a future.

What would you do on your last day?

[apocalypse]