Dan Savage has recently started noting threats to straight rights at the bottom of his column Savage Love. I think he’s got the right idea.

Straight liberals are all about gay rights. Which is neat, and all, and it’s great that a growing sector of the straight community is working with the gay community, but Dan Savage is right. Your rights as straight people are under increasing threat, and you should be concerned. We are living in an anti-sex world, my friends, and it’s time to stand up and fight for your rights, whether you’re gay, straight, or asexual. Because you should be troubled by a society that’s investing so much time in combating your sexuality, health, and pleasure.

As Savage and other activists are stressing, my dear straight readers, don’t rest on your laurels, because the conservatives aren’t just anti-homo: they’re anti-sex. I’m fairly certain that if they had their way, children would be gestated in test tubes. Because these people hate sex. Maybe it’s a guilt thing, or maybe it’s a jealousy thing. But don’t imagine that because you confirm to “traditional” sexual mores that your rights are protected. At this point you might as well join us sexually depraved lunatics, because the religious right views what I did last Saturday in the same light as what you did with your wife in your marriage bed last night.

You should be concerned about living in a country where some states outlaw the sale of sex toys under obscure obscenity laws. You should be concerned about living in a country where some states ban state run family planning clinics from distributing birth control. Where abortion is being made illegal. Where sexual expression is becoming dangerous. As Savage points out, federally the Republican sex-haters are winning battles left and right–the HPV vaccine is still not available, they are attempting to yank RU486 from the market (with the addition of a blizzard of misinformation about the drug), they are blocking over the counter sales of emergency contraception, and they appear to be well on the way to banning sex altogether, at this point. This is not about abortion anymore–it’s about sexuality. I wouldn’t be surprised if some states started enforcing the obscure laws relating to sodomy (which, by the way, is usually defined legally as any sort of sex for non-procreative purposes, my little straight friends).

Look. You don’t have to be into bondage, polyamory, three ways, feet, plushies, aol chat rooms, toast fetishes, sadism, masochism, extreme discipline, coprophilia, or any number of exciting methods of sexual expression in this wonderful world. You can, in fact, think privately that some of these practices are absolutely disgusting. But I think you can agree with me that what happens in private shouldn’t be anyone’s affair, least of all the law (unless activity is occurring without mutual consent). I think you might also agree that we shouldn’t be viewing child pornography in the same light as, say, rope bondage practiced by consenting adults in a safe environment. Under the eyes of the conservatives, anyone enjoying sex is a criminal.

A matter of particular concern for those of you engaging in straight sex should be contraception.

As Savage points out, homosexual sex rarely carries the risk of pregnancy. In fact, I might take that a step further and say that homosexual sex never results in pregnancy. While straight people are being threatened in numerous ways, the right of straight people to enjoy sex as sex, for the joy of it, is being undermined on a daily basis.

Every week, a state is in the news for new restrictions on contraception and abortion. State run family planning clinics in Missouri are no longer permitted to distribute birth control. South Dakota famously banned abortion. Connecticut recently allowed a bill trying to force all hospitals to distribute emergency contraception to die in the house. Should a young woman who is raped be unfortunate enough to be sent to a Catholic hospital, she would not be offered emergency contraception, because religious godbags apparently favor forcing women to live with the fact of their rape for nine months. Apparently the sacred life of the as yet-unfertilized egg is more important than the mental and physical well-being of a rape victim. Since when does a parasite trump a fully grown adult? Women do not have ultimate control over contraception, until men can be forced to bear children to their rapists. Hello straight people? It’s time to stand up for yourselves!

A world without recreational sex would be rather dismal, in my humble opinion. I’m a big fan. I suspect a lot of Americans are. And I think it’s time for all of us to unite and agree on this issue: whether or not we agree with abortion, vanilla or chocolate, gay or straight. All of us should be troubled by a government that appears to be on a quest to eliminate American sexuality. It’s time for a new free love movement, before it’s too late. I don’t understand why conservatives are such meddlers–maybe we should send them all free subscriptions to Suicide Girls or something.

I don’t want to live in a world of repression and misery, and I suspect you don’t either. Write your representatives and tell them you are opposed to anti-sex legislation. A chicken (or tufurky) in every pot, a car (or bicycle) in every garage, and freedom to express your sexuality!

P.S. So who caught the reference with the title? Hint: it’s a song.

[fight for your rights]