A few thoughts on men

I got up shockingly early today and cleaned the shower, because it looked like someone had died in there.

And then I read the Chronicle, which had a particularly revolting article about the “boy crisis” in education.

You see, my friends, there is a “new minority” on college campuses, one which is growing despite the best efforts of college administrations, and that is men. According to this article, the average ratio on a college campus now includes 58% women. Shocking, I tell you!

From the Chronicle:

Hold your fire, says Mortenson. The gender war on campus is over. Women won. ‘The women’s agenda has so dominated, people sort of sneer at you,’ he says. ‘What are women complaining about? They are about to take over the world.'”

Ah yes, my mistake. I hadn’t realized that such strides had been made for women’s rights, especially with logic like this:

In comparison, the numbers at Cal are not as dramatic — 54 percent women, 46 percent men. But Black says that’s only because Cal has strong engineering and computer sciences programs, which remain male bastions…An exception is San Jose State University, where the division is roughly 50-50. Again, a strong engineering and computer science program helps, as well as Silicon Valley’s reputation as a hotbed of jobs.”

So, I don’t know if this reporter is aware of what irony is, or is just confused about why people choke over their tea when they’re talking to him. The tone of the above selections is clear–ladies, you see, study books and literature and girlie stuff:

“You can be a man and still be interested in writing and literature,” along with the ladies, who are busy reading Jane Eyre and joining knitting clubs. That’s why colleges with big engineering and physics programs have lots of men, because those are manly pursuits (into which women emphatically are not welcomed). And USF has a large ratio of women to men because they have a big nursing program, and them ladies like to nurse, you know. And this, you see, is a big stride for women’s rights. It’s awesome that a friend of mine, Jennifer, who is a chief engineer at Cisco, makes less than some of her employees, and it’s awesome that she gets sexually harassed at work, and it’s awesome that every day she goes to work she has to defend her work, because she is a woman, and therefore an inferior engineer. We’ve won, all right. We’ve won.

We don’t want jobs in the Silicon Valley, we go to college to find husbands and get married. Duh. And maybe become English teachers or nurses. But, you know, that’s on the side, until we pop out a couple of kids and become stay at home moms, supported by our non-college-educated husbands and their fabulous income. Maybe there are less dudes in school because they realized that they’ll still make more than us whether or not they have a degree, so why waste the time?

I’m just surprised they didn’t go to Mills College, which has a shocking ration–100% of the undergraduates are women! Can you imagine it! And at Smith, too! It’s disgusting. It’s especially shocking when you consider the fact that over 50% of the American population is female. And that college was an all-male pursuit for, oh, hundreds of years.

At the end of the article, a few actual minorities, such as African Americans and Latinos (soon to be the majority in California), were brought up, with further statistics–more African American and Latina women go to college then their male cohorts, further evidence that the entire college system is just totally fucked up and should be revamped. No mention is made of what percentage of the student body as a whole is African American or Latino, which is something that concerns me a hell of a lot more, given the whitey mcwhite white bread makeup of many American college campuses.

What is wrong with the Chronicle’s editorial staff that they can print an article like this in all honesty? Did they just not think when they put this one on the presses? Because I can imagine that a large percentage of their liberal weenie readership is going to be furious when they see this article, as well they should, because it’s a sexist pile of shit.

And don’t get me wrong, people, I like the dudes just fine. I like making out with them, I like making fun of them, I like taking them places and turning wild dogs loose on them. Dudes are a big part of my daily life. But I in no way, shape, or form, am convinced that I have won the war between the sexes. I am fully aware that I get less respect amongst my friends because of my chickly status, I am fully aware that my male friends make more than me because of their dudely status, and I think they are too.

But, ladies, we can officially give up the fight. We’ve got the numbers, and as we all know, that means victory. We’ve got the upper hand now, we’re taking over the world, and information about your raise is in the mail, I swear. I apologize to those of you in science programs–you will need to switch majors, and the paperwork for that is in the mail too.

And I’m going to go eat a waffle with strawberries and syrup now, to temper my fury before I go to work.