A few thoughts on cleaning up after yourself

Yesterday was one of those rare days where it’s sunny, and also warm. I basked in the rays on my way to work. The Guest House lawn shimmered like a freshly cut emerald. A single faint poofy cloud skittered across the sky as a truck load of hicks drove by, whistling at me.

Everyone seemed to be in high spirits, and I blame the weather. Something about the sun brings us out in droves, even when there’s a howling wind. Something about a perfect sunny day, however, causes us all to go a little sun happy. Daringly light skirts are dragged out of closets. Inadvisably strappy tops are sported. Sweaters are left at home by the foolhardy.

However, the brilliant sunshine of my day was about to be obscured, as the door to a bright red and excessively sized SUV swung open, allowing a perilously thin peroxide blonde in tottering heels to get out, followed by her shrimp of a dog.

“Come on Pooky,” she said, “do your business!”

The my horror, she was leading the oversized rat…er…dog onto the pristine lawn of the Guest House. The lawn that people sit on to bask in the sunshine. Including this person, who loves sprawling in the grass with a good “stay away from me” book, like Treason or The Big Bang. The lawn which is meticulously cut and raked by city employees. And here she was, exhorting her dog to poop, or perhaps micturate, on the grass. I couldn’t decide which was worse, and before I had a chance to muse on this, the dog had deposited a sizeable chunk of shit on the lawn, and blonde had scooped it up, and they had swept off into the day.

Uhm, excuse me.

One of the joys of dog ownership is that when your dog takes a poop, you get to scoop it up in a little baggie. Why? Because it’s gross to have poop everywhere. At the turn of the last century, American cities were unbearable due to the large volume of animal poop (and carcasses). A major step was made for public health by forcing people to clean up excrement.

Excrement is dirty. It carries lots of bacteria. This is why we in the first world poop in toilets and waste gallons of potable water every year to make our poop go away. It is not acceptable to leave little poopie piles where innocent people might step on them, where children might put their mouths, and where city employees must do their jobs. I cannot stress enough the importance of cleaning up after yourselves in the poop department, kids, because poop is yucky. And dog poop is really yucky. And it’s especially yucky to realize you have sat on/stepped in/touched poop on an otherwise beautiful day.

We’re talking about common decency, and also vectors of disease transmission here folks: clean up your animal poop! For Pete’s sake! EW!