A few thoughts on searching

Some people are using very interesting paths to get here. One of my favourite blogs is the number one search for “womble porn,” which is a feat of itself. I’m really intrigued by some of the stuff you guys are coming up with. Sadly, I think that most of the time you are probably disappointed with what you find here in terms of actual useful information, but I hope it’s entertaining. Most of you come here through Google searches, further evidence that Google is taking over the world. (Aside from the fact that Google has become a verb. When was the last time you “altavistaed”? That’s right, never.)

The fact that there is also at least one other city called Fort Bragg in the United States is a cause for some confusion, I think. The person looking for “fort bragg court marshal” was probably not intending to land in Northern California, but was hoping instead for North Carolina. Presumably that’s what the person who searched for “fort bragg spanish flu” was looking for. Of course, what they ended up with was a rant about bird flu, with some swine flu thrown in for fun. I hope that the person searching for “fort bragg ems” got some help. Remember, I’m not a professional, kids.

I have a couple of friends from Fort Bragg who are also stationed at Fort Bragg. Which must feel a bit weird sometimes.

“So where are you from?”
“Fort Bragg.”
“Right I mean we are all in Fort Bragg, but where did you grow up?”
“Fort Bragg.”
“So you’re a military brat?”
“No.”
“Then…”

A number of you have found me by searching for some combination of james frey, lies, million, exposed, little pieces, smoking gun, and oprah. Had I known more people were going to read that little diatribe I might have edited it a little better. Just in case anyone missed that breaking news, JAMES FREY IS A LIARPANTS!

The person who searched for “morbid obese problems mammogram gown.” Uh…I can’t imagine what possible relevance anything I’ve written has to that. Suffice it to say that being morbidly obese, I would imagine, is highly unpleasant. Perhaps this person has unwittingly paved the path to fortune for me. I can see it already: “meloukhia’s plus size exam gowns–for the bigger beautiful women in your practice.” Please tell me someone has already invented exam gowns for the morbidly obese, because if not, that’s just shameful.

Sadly, no one has found me by searching for “take down the man” or something inspiring like that. Maybe I should make that my goal for 2006, becoming the number one search result for “take down the man.” I like to set nice theoretically achievable goals for myself, you know, so that way I’m not disappointed.

[searching]