Speaking of Holocausts…

So, here’s the thing. My house has a clearly posted zero tolerance policy for ants. We have a perfectly good shed they can go hang out in if it is rainy. There’s lots of tasty food there to eat. But ants are not permitted inside my house. They are not allowed in the kitchen. They are not allowed in my bedroom. They are not allowed anywhere in my house, ever. I don’t care is there is a tsunami and the ants need to take shelter. Three hard and fast rules in my house:

1. There is a zero tolerance policy for ants.
2. We do not negotiate with terrorists.
3. No sexual activity in my house unless I am involved (consensually).

So here’s the problem. There is an ant invasion going on. I’ve been going at it hot and heavy for days here, and I have killed hundreds of hostile forces. But they still keep coming. My house is spotless. There should be nothing for them to eat.

I don’t use poison, for a variety of practical and ethical reasons. So does anyone know of a natural and holistic way to rid your house of ants?

(And don’t tell me to communicate with my ant brethren. I have communicated.)