It has also come to my attention that I should perhaps be creating a “Holiday Gimme List,” also known as a “Christmas Wishlist,” “Solstice Desire Package,” “Kwanzaa Quickie Shop,” “Chaunakah Present Sheet,” or “Ramadan Request Page.”
So here are a list of things I would really love to add to my consumerist collection this holiday.
1. It would be utterly awesome if my friends banded together and bought me a 60g iPod and filled it with wonderful music, given that I, you know, no longer have any music. Bonus points for the person who figures out how to wire it directly into my wiring harness, bypassing the need for a new stereo (and installs speakers, since my car, you know, also has no speakers). Given the potential expense/cooperative effort required for this, I will also accept:
a. A 2005 Volkswagon New Beetle Convertible in Salsa Red with black leather interior (and, please, the package number two so I can heat my ass on cold mornings)–manual transmission. I might consider also a regular Beetle TDI in shadow blue (but I still insist on the ass warming package).
b. A 20 inch iMac G5, 2.5GB ram, 500GB hard drive, wireless keyboard, and Applecare protection plan.
c. A cabana boy.
d. The Oxford English dictionary (no cheating with the concise edition–I want the real thing).
e. A new shower curtain, because it’s getting a little funky. A cloth washable one would be cool.
f. A complete set of silverware, because dinner parties are embarassing.
g. Cool plates/bowls/cups/what have you, in a set of at least four (see above).
h. A blender.
i. A ricer.
j. A watermelon baller.
k. A rolling pin.
l. Good kitchen knives and a stone.
m. Awesome jars for kitchen storage.
n. Interesting candles (and candleholders).
o. Intriguing earrings.
p. A Platypus. (Not to be confused with a platypus.)
q. Excellent books I haven’t read.
r. Donations to animal-friendly organizations, such as the Humane Society of the United States, American Humane Association, or the Fund for Animals.
s. A house.
t. Neat sweaters.
u. Neat yarn.
v. Those fancy pants wooden knitting needles from England that cost a fortune but look really cool.
w. Neat boxes/curiosity cabinets that I can put little things in.
z. Calligraphy supplies.
I think that ought to just about do it. If you’ve already gotten me everything on this list, get in touch and I can give you the “Holiday Gimme Reserve List.”
[buy me presents]