A few thoughts on anatomy

“This may be because I’?m an inexperienced young man, but I had always assumed that you washed your vagina in the shower. Or with a bidet, whatever the hell that is.”

This priceless quote occurs courtesy of “Christopher” over on “I Blame the Patriarchy.” I’m sure he’s a lovely boy, but his woeful knowledge of anatomy troubles me greatly. Perhaps I’m just fired up because I have to visit the pee-pee poker today and that always puts me in a bad mood. Twisty’s original post was about douching, which I believe is a barbaric practice. Rather, the promotion of douching to young women is barbaric. I’m sure there are occasional applications for which douching may be necessary, but I have the feeling there’s a lot of contraindicated douching going on out there, girls. I am of the firm opinion that the female reproductive anatomy in a natural, healthy, and well maintained state does not smell bad. Certainly not bad enough to be inundated with questionable chemicals. Douching bothers me on a number of levels:

1. It’s unhealthy. Even your friendly neighborhood patriarchy representative, the doctor, agrees with this. Ob/gyns around the world are trying to convince women that douching is a bad idea (when they aren’t practicing their love, of course). A lot of the ingredients in commercial douches are questionable. Also, your vagina is self cleaning. (And not like a “self-cleaning” oven, we’re talking fully self cleaning here, people.) It naturally generates mucus to keep things tidy and healthy up there, and douching disturbs the balance, opening things up (so to speak) to oppurtunistic infections.

2. It enforces a message that women are somehow “dirty” and need fixing. I don’t see any mass marketed products aimed at reducing smegma. I do see a lot of products telling women that they need to get their boxes fresh and clean with a bouquet of piquant scents. Things like “summer’s eve fresh scent,” in fact. This troubles me.

3. If you have noticed (or been informed) that your vag isn’t smelling so fresh, it might be due to an infection, in which case you should visit the pee-pee poker too. You should certainly not swish the contents of a glade plug it in up there and hope for the best–usually body parts smell bad when they are sending out a cry for help. Contrary to popular belief, the vagina is not in a state of constant distress. Usually it’s quite happy hanging out down there, doing its vagina thing.

Now back to the anatomy bit. For the love of god, people, go study some anatomy. The above comment made me visualize women thoughtfully removing their vaginas and rinsing them under the cleansing stream of a bidet (which, by the way, is a low mounted plumbing fixture resembling a sink, designed for cleansing external genitalia and the anus. Although I do know some men who pee in their bidets. For shame.) In fact, I should confess, but for my knowledge of anatomy, I would have gone to see if my vagina was removable too, and I had been missing out on all the fun–however, I realized that young Christopher was probably thinking of the vulva. A knowledge of reproductive anatomy can’t hurt, and might come in handy as well in the future. I’m shocked at the number of women who don’t know their own anatomy, and although I’m hardly the touchy feely type*, I think it’s a good idea to be aware of the workings of your own body. If you already have a working knowledge of anatomy, disregard the above. The rest of you: go do your homework.

*An exchange with a pee-pee poker past, who was subsequently fired, went like this:

“Would you like to see your cervix?”
“Are you sure, I can just angle the mirror this way and…”
“Most women want to see their cervix.”
“I’m sure they do.”
“It helps them get in touch with their bodies!”
“Look, can you just take the damn speculum out and let me get dressed? This is humiliating enough as it is, lady.”