1. I hate working.
No, I really do. I know that most adults are supposed to be tired of working and all jaded and stuff. But I. Hate. Working. Thinking about going to work makes me want to cry. I loathe every aspect, and the whole idea, of working. I’ve thought about going on SSI so that I could avoid working permanently, but it’s too smarmy for me. Damn my morals. You see, the thing is, all I want to do is sit at home and read for the rest of my life. And eat. I want a little cottage in the woods somewhere where I can sometimes have friends over, and be misanthropic the rest of the time in peace.
My father always gives me shit and says I have champagne tastes and a beer budget. Well, damnit, champagne has to come from somewhere, maybe I should just start growing my own.
2. I have a secret Apple fetish.
So why am I gravitating towards the new iMac G5? This is tantamount to treason in my world. It’s like a fundamentalist Moslem drinking alcohol. It’s like a Mormon having premarital sex. It’s like…it’s a complete shift in my paradigm. If anyone was to find out about this secret lust, this filthy fantasy, I would be mocked. I’ve always been the first one to mention at any provocation my loathing for all that is Apple, and here I am surreptitiously browsing for one. (Alt+Tab-ing if needed, of course.) I’m even considering calling a former co-worker who used to work for Apple, and who therefore gets a lifetime discount, to find out if, you know, she could maybe feed my addiction. I feel like I’m trying to find crack.
What would I do with a mac if I got one? I could never confess to owning it. I would have to hide it in the closet at all times, the risk of someone coming over and seeing it would be too great. I see now how easy it is for the republicans to paint Kerry black for flip-flopping. Can I be as gutsy as Kerry and admit that I was wrong? Does Apple offer some sort of promotional discount to the switchers, or do we just get a cool ad campaign? I just don’t know what to do with myself here. I’m sleeping with the enemy, you see.
All of this, of course, imagining that I had the money to buy a new computer. So maybe money didn’t solve my problems, because, if it did, FedEx would be loading my brand new twenty inch iMac G5 into a truck right now for delivery. And then I would be stuck in an immense quandry indeed.
3. I cry when I get pissed off, and that makes me more pissed off so I cry some more, and then people ask me what’s wrong, and that pisses me off, so I cry some more. So it’s a never ending chain of the crying. And I hate it. In fact, I feel myself getting a little pissed off right now just thinking about it. Crying is shitty. It is such a fucking CHICK thing to do.
4. I spend way too much time looking at kittenwar.